How my ED Brain Works

Went for a walk tonight. I usually go during the afternoon, these days in isolation. But today I was writing, and wasn’t really feeling it, and decided to revel in being able to not “have” to go for a walk, as a year ago, that would have been an impossibility.

It was late, and cold and windy, and my family was watching a movie. So I decided to make it a relatively short one, around the block. Even so, it’s still about two kilometres and takes a good 25 or 30 minutes, so I decided to run some of it and make it home faster.

As I’m about to turn onto my street I check my phone for the time. Only 15 minutes have passed since I left my house. Automatically, I think that I should do another lap, because a walk doesn’t really “count” unless its at least 25 minutes.

I started down the street again. Then I caught myself and turned around.

I literally ran, so my walk would be shorter. Yeah, it was only 15 minutes, but it was still the same distance. ANd that was the whole point.

But that is how my ED brain works. I still have thoughts like this a lot. The difference, is that I am now catching on a little quicker.

I still love to walk, and run, when I feel like it. I move to feel good, and fit my movement into my life. NOT to hit some arbitrary number.