Coping with Change (and Why “Stress Eating” Isn’t the Problem it’s Made Out to Be)

We all deal differently with stress. 

Some of us want to hide away, or curl up in bed and hibernate. 

Some may find themselves seeking the company of other people, and busy themselves in social commitments as a distraction. 

Some may be compelled to hit the gym or the pavement for some sweat relief.

Others might crave the quiet and stillness of some alone time or meditation. 

And so it follows that our bodies also react uniquely to stress, including our appetites. Many people find that as work or school starts to ramp up, their hunger and cravings increase— especially for things that are sweet or salty or comforting.

We might find ourselves dying to hunker down for the night with a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate-- and there is NOTHING wrong with that! 

Stress itself causes the body to burn through more energy in a day than when we are in more of a relaxed state.

When we are highly stressed or anxious, our brains are working in overdrive, producing thoughts at a hundred miles a minute, or cramming in information before an exam.

We experience physiological changes like a faster heart rate,restlessness and fidgeting, and often we end up moving about a little quicker and being on our feet more hustling get things done.

Being stressed is taxing on the body.  No wonder many of us find ourselves craving sweets and treats.

For that reason, stress-eating is totally normal, and totally justified. 

However, for some of us, stress tends to have the opposite effect, in that we actually lose our appetite.

When I am going through a stressful period in my life, whether its at work or home or my relationships, my appetite basically disappears.

My hunger signals stop working, and on the occasion they do, they are ill-timed, short lived or both.  As a naturally anxious person, when stress triggers my anxiety, my body starts running on adrenaline.  As soon as adrenaline production starts up, the production of all the hormones that regulate our hunger is suppressed.  And so even though I might be eating very little, I am not feeling any hunger.  

Without any conscious intention, being in these times of stress, I tend to lose weight.   And as someone with a history of anorexia, that’s NOT ideal. 

But that is where I find myself now. I am in the middle of a pretty significant transition.

Having spent seven months living in my parents’ house from the beginning of the pandemic, working from home and then having the whole summer off, to moving back downtown and living on my own, going back to work and teaching a class of thirty kindergarteners— which is stressful and hectic enough even not in the midst of the covid crisis.

It’s been great to be back doing what I love, and I am enjoying the new level of energy I am now riding being back in the city, but this transition has been a lot to say the least. And the stress has indeed caught up with me.

It is not that I stop eating or skipping meals.  I learned long ago that there will be MANY times in my life when I need to eat because I need to eat, regardless of whether or not I “feel” hungry. 

When I am going through the kind of change like I am now, and find myself running on adrenaline to get through it, my metabolism revs up, and without even realizing it, I am suddenly burning through calories much faster than I am when life is on a more even keel.

However, instead of signalling for some extra fuel through those natural “junk” cravings, my hunger signals simply shut down.  Essentially my body reverts into fight or flight mode.  It becomes more concerned about running away from a predator (which hunger signals and digestive enzymes have little use) than finding food. 

It is this double whammy of increased metabolism/energy output, and decreased appetite/hunger that keeps me slipping down the sides of this basin that is recovery.

While the road to recovery is not linear, the key is to stay on the road.

I do NOT consider this as the start of a relapse or even a lapse, because the weight I lost during this transition was not intentional. However, it is now my responsibility to make sure I do something to  reverse it, now that I’ve recognized what’s happening. 

In a culture so obsessed with thinness, and living with a brain that is wired for weight loss, its often difficult for me to acknowledge this little dip in weight as a problem.

In all honesty, I am more comfortable in this body. It’s not a very noticeable difference to anyone looking at me, but the slight looseness of my  jeans, the couple millimetres more space between my legs, and flatter stomach feels much safer and “right” to me than my body even five pounds heavier.

Someone looking at me from the outside would probably think I look fine as I am, and not “need” to gain anything at all.

However, as the person inhabiting this body, I am already feeling some of the mental and physical effects of being back in this even slightly underweight state.

That is another shitty thing about eating disorders. Someone who has gone through one, even if not currently suffering, is rendered infinitely more sensitive to ANY changes in weight or food intake. The body and brain remember all too well the periods of past restriction and will sound off the alarm at the first sign of any possibility of famine or food insecurity.

Even through my friend might nonchalantly lose a couple pounds as they put in some late nights at work, their brain is not going to panic and fear starvation the way mine will. They will likely not fall into a scarcity mindset or mess up their hormones after a small drop in weight, while this is exactly what I am currently experiencing.

And while they might be able to not think much of it and unintentionally return to their natural healthy body weight without any conscious effort, I don’t get that luxury.

I don’t get to use stress as an excuse. For me, losing weight, however unintentionally, is too much of a risk and trigger to my eating disorder tendencies. 

The more I restrict, even unconsciously, the more thoughts of restriction I have. Restriction begets restriction. Losing 5 pounds can easily become 10 if I do not actively work to reverse it. 

So that’s where I am at now. Eating my snacks, allowing my body to honour its innate hunger, even as it feels uncomfortable. 

My body will change again and it won’t be as big a deal as my brain is making it to be.

’Tis the season of Netflix and hoodies anyways.

And just remember: eating disorder or not, its okay to eat when you are stressed. It is more than okay.

In the words of Tabitha Farrar, “your body knows what it is doing.”

How do you react to stress?

Hoping you are all staying safe and sane,

Jordan xxo