Thirty Things For Thirty
Its Leo season. And tomorrow, I turn Thirty. Its funny. I cried when I turned 19, because I was so scared over getting old. But with every birthday since then, it gets a little easier.
A couple years ago, I couldn’t even imagine being 30. I thought I was destined for a breakdown. And yet here I am, 1 day away, and honestly, I am feeling okay. I wouldn’t say I’m ecstatic. The thought of leaving my 20’s behind makes me a little sad.
So much growth happens in your twenties, with so many experiences of adulting being thrown your way, its the time of figuring out who we are and want we want and how to thrive away from the identity we found in the realm of high school and our family homes. It feels like by the end of our twenties, the time to experiment and explore who we are has come to an end.
By thirty we are just living in that existence we have made for ourselves. At least thats what I used to think.
At the beginning of my twenties, it felt like it would last forever.
Here I am, 29 and 364 days, and I promise you I still have so much more growth and exploring left to do. And I am perfectly okay with that. I am in such a different place right now than I could ever have imagined I would be even 2 years ago. I didn’t even know this was the life I wanted, filled with the beautiful humans and animals that have become so important to me, that I didnt even know existed until recently.
29 has been a year of so much beautiful change and growth for me. I went from being a single girl in the city, trotting down king west in the wee hours of the morning with an entourage of fellow 20’s era females. I was living in a 2 bedroom condo, making close friends of neighbours and roommates, and biking all over the city to attend pole classes, meet up on patios, and get myself to work.
It kind of felt like I was making up for lost time, since there was a good chunk of 5 years that was stolen from me by anorexia, where I was not able to go out and make new connections or live on my own, or take part in spontaneous adventures. I chose to wrap myself up in a relationship and anorexia, rather than to nurture other friendships in my life, or explore opportunities to make new ones.
So when I was 28 and more free than I had been ever before, I was able to do everything I had missed.
And in the process, I found myself staring my future in the eye, in the rain and neon lights of a music festival on Canada Day. (Thank you, electric island )
EI magic.
One year later, I am gone from my rented condo, and city girl life. I am in a serious and committed relationship with someone who makes me feel like I can be anything I want to be, and cares for me in a way that does not undercut my indepeendence. Now, we have just bought our first home together. We live in Barrie, which is so different than the buzz and business of Toronto, but a thriving and beautiful place that I am growing to love more and more each day.
Closing day!
When I found V —or we found each other—I was also adopted into his circle of friends which are more like family. We live in our house with 2 of them, and 2 pretty kitties, and the four (plus 2) of us function like a little family unit, and I feel like I am finally finding that sense of closeness and connection that I never managed to find for so many years in my early twenties.
Adventures with my adopted Barrie Family (and co-owners!)
I never predicted this for me. I never tried to make it happen. I had no plan to be a home owner, or in a serious committed relationship, or to be moved out of the city. But it happened, so organically and spontaneously, simply by being curious and going with my intuition and saying yes when it felt right, even if it scared me.
And I am so freaking happy that it did.
feeling good at my birthday dinner at B’Spoke bar in Barrie.
By the time you are reading this, I will officially be 30. All the pain and passion and growth of my 20’s will be behind me. But I am so ready for this decade to be full of NEW growth, and love and adventure as I navigate this new era of my life. I may officially be an adult, now in my third decade, but I am starting to realize learning and growth and exploration are things that don’t end no matter how old you get.
Never too old to marvel at a double rainbow after the rain
To make the most of my 30th year, and to keep my momentum going to continue to seek out growth and adventure, I made myself a little list.
Thirty things, of varying types and intensities that I want to experience and check off in this year of being Thirty. Some I hope to accomplish over these next few weeks of birthday celebrations, and the rest, to be pursued over time (for example, breaking 30 kilometres of hiking into more reasonable chunks).
a draft in my bullet journal of this list.
Heres to being thirty (not too) flirty, and thriving.
Which of these things are you putting on your list?
Love and light,
-Jae xoxo
Never too old to celebrate a birthday mini putting with goats
Thirty Things for Thirty
Hike 30 kilometres
Go pet camping OR hiking with the cat and the dog
Go on a wine tasting tour by bicycle
Go on a camping trip
Do a pole photo shoot
Make and perform a pole routine
Go horseback riding
Do a vaulting lesson
Get a facial and start a skin care routine
Do a contortion class
Go to a music festival
Go to a concert
Ride a bull at the Ranch
Spend a day at a spa
Eat at a Michelin-rated restaurant
Spend a few days in Montreal
Enjoy a bougie and boozey brunch
Go on a shopping spree
Do a bar or pub crawl
Go to Pursuit OCR
Go to a rooftop bar
Have a beach day
Take dance lessons
Have a paint night
Marie Kondo my room/wardrobe
Host or invite my parents to dinner
Get an astrological reading
Do a spontaneous adventure roadtrip
Have a cottage weekend with friends
Do some kind of walk/run/bike ride for charity
Spring Growth Challenge (an Inner Spring cleaning to grow your mindset)
#MayGrowth30 :
30 Days to a Healthier, Stronger, and Clearer Mind
I love spring. There is something about this season of growth and renewal that has always sparked inspiration and excitement in me. I suppose its seeing the changing of seasons, the melting of snow, and the slow invasion of green, new life life that makes me feel empowered to take undergo some of my own change and self-growth, and come out of the winter dormancy that so many of us find ourselves in.
Over the past several months, I have found myself in a bit of a mental rut. I’ve fallen into less-than-helpful patterns and habits. I stay up too late for no real reason, wake up feeling tired and lacking energy to face the day, and spend too much time in front of my computer, consuming content rather than creating it.
I have also found myself feeling more stressed and anxious over little things that really shouldn’t get to me, and in turn, becoming so wrapped up in my own problems that I am not always able to respond to the needs and feelings of others around me.
I value being a generous, kind, and compassionate person, and when my own mental health is suffering, I am not living up to this version of me.
And so, I am dedicating this month to spring cleaning my mental health.
Just like spring cleaning of our homes inside and out is a common occurrence with the end of winter, shaking the cobwebs off some of the goals and resolutions I have made for myself earlier in the year just seems to come as a natural inclination as soon as the days get longer and warmer.
Especially this year, where once again, we find ourselves in lockdown here in Toronto in these early days of spring. It feels counter-intuitive to what spring usually inspires in me: to be holed up by myself up indoors, cancel plans, and put off all the activities and gatherings that usually fill me with a new energy this season.
So this May, I have decided I need to take kind of internal “spring cleaning” into my own hands. I am giving myself a 30- Day Spring Growth Challenge (#SpringGrowth30).
I know that challenges especially these short and sweet month long endeavours are all over Instagram, TikTok and every other social media platform. A lot of them focus on our physical fitness or body goals (just Google Chloe Ting and you'll see what I mean).
And while people may find some benefit out of these fitness-focused challenges, the kind of change I am after is more holistic than that. I am trying to achieve mental, spiritual and emotional growth.
More simply, I am trying to be a better human; a stronger, kinder, more resilient, more content, and more productive person.
This is not an easy task, and it will require a lot of rewiring and retraining my brain to think different thoughts and form new habits. It won’t happen overnight. It likely wont even happen in thirty days.
But I am committed to making a good start over this next month, and making the necessary first steps to lay down the foundation for the kind of lasting change I want for myself.
I want to level-up my mindset.
Here are my goals for this challenge:
Goals:
Shift my mindset from scarcity to abundance
Gain clarity on what passions I want to pursue
Be more productive (ie. get more done in pursuit of those passions)
Strengthen my relationships
Foster my creativity.
Without further ado, here is my 30-Day May Growth Challenge.
May Growth Challenge
Everyday, I will:
Do something creative (writing, painting, dancing, etc)
Wake up the same time every morning (one hour later on weekends)
Write down three things I am grateful for every morning and every night
Do one act of kindness
And, most importantly,
5. Post on Instagram my daily updates about this challenge.
That last part of the challenge is *key.* I will be keeping myself accountable through posting what I am grateful for each day (twice a day!), what time I woke up and went to bed the night before, and whatever creative outlet and act of kindness I may have done.
I have also been beating myself up over not blogging or writing more. So forcing myself to post about this challenge everyday on my seedling of an account @dayslikeblankpages will also work towards my goals of becoming a more productive person.
So if you are curious on how I do, and how I (hopefully) grow in the next thirty days. Follow me there. Better yet, join in this challenge with me!
Maybe you will share the same goals I do, and maybe you have unique goals of your own, and will make your own version of this challenge, whether its getting outside every day, drinking more water, being more spontaneous, or being more organized, you can craft your challenge to meet your own unique goals and values.
Day 1 starts tomorrow. Stay tuned, and let’s GROW.
(pun intended; you can take the teacher out of the classroom, but cant take the classroom out of the teacher!)
How are you challenging yourself this month?
xxoo
-Jordan
Soul on Fire: Pursue Your Passion and Find Joy
“Pursue what sets your soul on fire.”
This is a quote I came across years ago, back when I was probably 16 or 17 years old. It spoke to me then and I continue to let it guide me now.
I am a creature of habit in many ways. I am also a homebody, and often, a ball of anxiety. In turn, I tend to get stuck in comfort zones quite often. Places that feel safe and contained, but limiting, in all aspects of my life from my work to my writing to relationships and to recovery.
However, how I continue to pull myself out of these comfort zones and onto bigger, bolder things, is often coming back to this quote, comparing what I am doing, and how I am living in this minute, to the bigger picture of the life I want to live, being the person I want to be, and doing the things that fill me with purpose, passion, and fire.
When I find myself getting too obsessive with anything, to the point that it takes me out of the moment and starts to impede my ability to enjoy other parts of life, such as spending time with my family or friends, I have to pull myself back and ask myself how what I’m doing aligns to this greater vision. For instance, all the rules and rituals I had around food in my eating disorder made me feel safe and in control, but ultimately alienated me from the people in my life, and frankly made me act like a miserable b**** instead of the happy and carefree person I truly wanted to be.
Another example is horses. I have taken up riding again this summer, at an awesome stable unlike any other I have came across in Ontario. And it just so happens to be twenty minutes away from where I am currently living (the universe working its magic once again).
During my days of extreme exercise obsession, I essentially stopped riding, even though I had spent my entire life up to that point wanting nothing more than to spend every minute in the saddle. I felt that riding was not good enough exercise to be a regular activity of mine, when that time could be more effectively spent running or biking or doing some other workout that would result in a greater calorie burn. I reflect on that now and want to shake that version of myself for being so, so wrong.
I’ve gone riding almost every day this month. Quite often, after being out there in a hard saddle in the blistering heat, on a horse making me work for it, I come home and the last thing I want to do is another form of exercise. Niggles of my old way of thinking come through my mind sometimes, suggesting that I should do another workout to escape the pang of guilt for choosing this milder form of activity. However, I go back to that quote, and strive to make choices that are guided by what sets my soul on fire. And when I commit to that internal guidance, the guilt and shame and destructive way of thinking ebbs and falls away.
When I am an old woman, with a bad back, and brittle bones, I won’t look back on this summer and wish that I had ran more miles or lifted more weights. What I would regret would be forcing myself to do things that brought me little joy or lasting happiness, instead of being on a horse every chance I could.
No workout can give me the same thrill as galloping through forests, laughing with new friends, and returning home sweaty and smelling of horses and fly spray.
This summer, I have this golden opportunity where I have the means and time to be with horses, to improve my riding, and simply indulge the horse crazy little girl in me. When I am back living in the city, working in a classroom 9-5 come september, my summer of horses will be over. Sure, I am choosing saddle time over improving my kilometers per hour or personal best, but I am feeding my soul and honouring my passion.
20 years from now, I would rather be riding horses than running marathons. Someone else might have the opposite ambition.
Moral of the story is pursue what makes you happy. Do today what your future self will thank you for.
Kick your own butt out of ruts and comfort zones.
Indulge your soul in what calls to you- whether its horses, or painting or mountain biking or sourdough baking.
What sets your soul on fire? How are you feeding the flames?
Til next time,
Jordan
Xoxo