Tis’ the Season (for being sick) — some musings about resting to return back to health

I feel like some kind of omniscient game is being played on me. Looking back on my bullet journal from last december, it turns out the very same day I came down with the covid last year, is the very same day —- December 13— that a whopper of a cold hit me this year.

For the past 3 days I’ve been coughing my lungs out, nursing a headache and a fever, and not able to do much other than sleep, eat, watch TV, and occassionally fiddle with my knitting.

Perhaps even more karmic, is that this cold hit me right after I was beginning to feel some of the inklings of my usual pre-holiday anxiety about being out of my routine, subject to more food and indugences, and less opportunities to exercise, and how that might wreak havoc on my body, and my mind. It was the fist weekend of several from now until post new years— of holiday parteis and events with family and friends, with all kinds of boozy drinks and full dessert platters and and rich hearty meals.

It was a fabulous weekend— the Friday I was at my partner’s work christmas party, where we stayed well past midnight before heading back to our hotel only to carry on the party at the bar, and then the room.

Waking up late the next day, we were just in time to pull ourselves together and make it out for my family’s big neighbourhood Chritsmas party that night, where there were even more food and drinks to be had.

Sunday, was our family’s celebration of St.Nicholas day, essentially a warm up to christmas with a table of plates being magically filled with all kinds of small treats and goodies over night. Its another lazy festive morning in pajamas, lovely and lots of fun, but once again, out of my usual food and movement routine and after a two previous days of festivities, it was starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

The nagging voice in my brain started to pipe up again. I was acutely aware of how many days- how may hours— it had been since I had gone for a long “enough” walk, done a quad draining bike ride to class, or had a training session for pole. I also found myself becoming more and more aware and anxious about my body, and how it was changing (if it was. Are my thighs closer to touching? Is my stomach bigger? My arms feel like they arer flabbier.

In reality, it had been 3 days— not long enough to make any drastic changes.

And when I did go back to doing 2 pole classes that following Monday, I felt as if my body was instantly back to the way I wanted it. Obviously, not because a coule pole classes have that kind of body sculpting power, but because I never really changed in the first place.

It was just my anorexic, compulsive brain kicking me in loud enough to believe it.

Yes, it felt good to move after that rather sedentary week. I felt like I could exhale, already planning and lookig forward to resuming my fairly active routine up until gouing head to head with christrmas.

But waking up on Tuesday with a bad chest cold and the chllls it became evident that wasnt quite the case. I had come down with the same virus that took out a number of people at a party we went to over the weekend.

I was laid up on the couch for three days. Too tired and full of phlegm to exercise or even pole— even if I wanted to.

The funny thing was, my anxiety didn’t skyrocket being sick and sedentary (again) like i expected it to. In the past, when I was severely disordered, ity would have been practically impossible for me to have layed on a couch for three days especially after a weekednd of food and festivities.

The only way I probably could ahve coped owuld have been by eating as little as I could possibly get away with, thinking my bdy relly didnt need it if I wasn’t being active. I remember sneaking in squats and jumping jacks and situps in my bedroom if I was sick for more than a single day, and even quietly lacing up my running shoes to sneak out for a run, despite a sore throat and chest cough.

It wasnt even because I wanted to. It’s because I needed to. The only thing that I was dreadinfg more than the cold air in my inflamed lungs in that moment was having to be lying down for another minute, my mind being attacked by pulsating anxiety and shame over “what I was letting happen” to my body .

Being sick this year in a way was like a breath of fresh air. For three days, I didnt sterp foot out of my house, or even my pajamas. Even after my fever broke and I was feeling a bit more energetic on the second day, I still prioritzed rest,, and enjoyed watching christmas movie after christmas movie, knititng and crafting and puzzling in the glow of the christmas tree lights. Yes, I still felt small tremors of guilt, for choosing this kind of routine even when I probably could have braved a walk around the block. But these were just ripples, not the tidal waves that used to overtake me.

I don’t know if the timing of this onslaught of sickness was pure;y coincidental, or if there was a greater universal intention behind it. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter. The universe, or God, or consciousness, or however you might phrase it, has a way of granting you something you need, whether you want it or not. Of course I didnt need to be sick. But I needed something to break me out of the anxcious and destructive throught patterns that I was beginning to fall into again. I needed to be reminded by something with some force, that rest is sometimes neccessary, and breaking routines on occasion is more than okay.

I was also reminded of how far I’ve come, being able to actually allow myself that rest. To be able to hole up on a couch alll day with christmas movies and crafts was something I secretly craved, and yet could neverallow myself to do.

The few times I tries to enjoy a movie midafternoon, I couldnt hear the TV over the blaring voices in my head screaming at me to get up, go for a run, you have to burn some calories to deserve this.

This year, coccooned in a blanket watching Netflix at noon on a wednesday, all was quiet. And it was bliss.

Merry Almost Christmas,

Don’t forget to rest and enjoy it,

—Jae xoxo

5 Things to Do When You Get Out of Bed in the Morning (Even if you “hate” routine)

1.Take a Deep Breath.

It sounds simple, because it is. Breath deeply, and mindfullly. Notice the inhale and exhale. And note the place of calm and balance from which you are breathing. Set an intention to stay in that place throughout the place, and to always return to that place when anxiety, stress or other emotions start to throw you off balance.

2. Be Thankful.

Rhyme off three reasons you have to be grateful right now. Maybe its the amazing night’s sleep. Maybe its a delicious breakfast you will have before you start your day. Maybe its the simple fact you didn’t sleep through your alarm. Set your day off on a good note by searching for the positive. Even quantum physics has recently proven that the energy you put out into the world is the energy you will get back. Exude positive, happy thoughts, and you are more likely to encounter positive and happy events in return. Don’t believe me? It’s science.

3. Be Intentional.

Make a to do list— not a long one— of three things you want to accomplish today. Once you have those clear goals in your head, you can more easily direct your energy and actions towards those goals as the day goes on.

If you are so inclined, you can also go beyond a simple list and journal an intention for the day. Whether it is to be productive, be kind, or be calm, keep it simple. Make at a single phrase to capture an overall feeling that you can continue to come back to throughout the day.

4.Move your body.

That could be a leisurely morning walk, a heart pumping weight session, a meditative yoga flow, or even simply some gentle stretches before you even get out of bed. Whatever you do, it is enough. Find what works for you, what energizes you and puts you in a better mental and physical state for the rest of the day. Whether its 50 minutes or 5 minutes, that little bit of movement will bring you into your body before it hits the ground running.

5. Do something to clean your vessel.

As important as it is to move your body, it is also important to care for it in other ways, and paying individual attention to different aspects of your physical being. This could mean dry brushing your skin, moisturizing your face and body after you shower or before makeup, cleansing and exfoliating your face, oil rinsing your mouth, jade rolling, applying hand cream, doing a hair or face mask, or any other hygienic self-care act that you enjoy that might fit into your time frame here.

This kitty cat understands the joy of dry brushing

I know this might sound like something from a beauty magazine. But its the one morning habit that took me years to develop, but is now something that I find helps my sense of mental wellbeing just as much as anything else on this list. Taking the moment to do something that feels like a little bit of “extra” care for my body helps to remind me how to treat and talk to myself.

In the past, the only thing I would do on this list was the movement. And in that way movement became a form of punishment rather than care. Making myself deliberately build in a small act of care continues to shift my perspective of how I view my body from something I need to tame or force or control, to something to respect and appreciate.

I don’t manage to do all of these things every morning. Some days I only manage three, or two , and sometimes I barely manage one (I mean the breathing one is hard to avoid). But I find that having the intention of grounding myself first thing with these simple habits can really make a difference in how I feel going into the day.

As always, take what serves you, leave what doesn’t.

How do you start your mornings?

xoxo- J

Mental Flossing: My March Meditation Challenge (“it’s good for you!”)

I’ve been feeling a bit off-kilter lately.  Bouncing back and forth and up and down in just about every aspect of my life I can envision at the moment.  Everything feels like too much and not enough.  I feel restless and completely drained simultaneously, my thoughts running one hundred miles a minute, my brain struggling to stay engaged and present long enough to see a single task through to completion.  

Ever since I was a child, I’ve struggled with anxiety.  Not the emotion that all of us experience in one way or another in spurts or short-lived situations, like the night leading up to a test or a first date.  Mine is of the chronic, disordered kind.  Often I don’t even recognize its overwhelming presence, as I am completely consumed in a tangle of thoughts from overthinking even the smallest of things.  

What begins off as simply thinking ahead or “good planning” quickly becomes a rabbit hole of “what-ifs”, “but-then’s” and “even-so’s” and a endless spiral of no perfect solution to problems that in reality, are not really a problem.

An example, for just this week has been me trying to decide which night after school I should plan on going to a café after work to write this blog post.  

How could someone possibly overthink the decision of buying a coffee?  You might ask.  

Well, welcome to the inner workings of my mind. 

Today would be a good day to get coffee.  I can stop at the Starbucks at the halfway point on my way home from school.

But I do have unopened almond milk in my fridge.   Maybe I should go home and use that up first.

Then again tomorrow is Friday, and I have all weekend to get through it.

Or should I go to Starbucks to write over the weekend then.  

But I also have coffee at home and a fancy brand new espresso maker so I probably wont want to leave the house to do that.  Might as well save money that way anyways.

Maybe I should save money today though if I have that almond milk in my fridge.

Can I stretch the carton to three days?

If i can’t maybe I can go grocery shopping over the weekend for some.

How much money have I spent this month? Where should I buy it?

No frills is cheapest but its a bit of a hike.  I could take the streetcar.  But that’s three dollars. Almost as much as the almond milk.  

A latte at Starbucks is almost twice that much with soy milk.

Why am I going to Starbucks anyways then?

Maybe I shouldn’t be. Its a waste of money.

But you write better there.

Oh yeah.

Unless your brain starts producing thoughts like this…

And. it. keeps. going.  

I eventually DID decide to go to Starbucks and purchase a six dollar latte. And I DID get some writing done.  Not much though, because even with nothing to do but sit or stand by a 2 foot wide table with my laptop my brain still got in the way.

I am getting fed up with these anxious cyclical thought patterns.  I came across a Ted Talk video where a speaker in a very calm and melodic voice (irritatingly so)  mentioned the benefits of meditation.  

I got over my annoyance to let that sink in. 

Mediation.  Of course.  

Meditation has been something I have always held with the utmost reverence and respect.  But that doesn’t mean I am a regular practitioner of meditation. 

For me, meditation is a lot like flossing.  Something I know is so good for me, with both proven and reported health benefits from daily practice, and yet something I never do. 

And both seem to take much more time in a day than they actually do.  

Meditation is alot like flossing.

When I was doing my Yoga Teacher training, I was (forced) into the habit of meditating every day, often multiple times throughout, and it soon became something I truly enjoyed. 

In the daily ritual of carving out space and time to devote a few minutes (at least) to sitting in stillness, I did truly experience a significant shift in my overall state of mind.  

But when my yoga training ended, work ramped up, and life got busy, little by little, my meditation practice became as rare as my flossing habit.  And given that the floss currently in my bathroom I receiver from my dentist on a visit back when I was in high school, you may get an idea of how rare that is.  

But in this new wave of anxiety and negative thought patterns, I am committing to getting back on the mediation wagon.  

For the month of March (and the last couple weeks of february) I'm committed to meditating every single day, for no shorter than 5 minutes.  

I say 5 minutes because if I tell myself I need to do it for longer than that I feel too daunted by it to actually do it. 

But in reality, every day that I have sat so far I have surprised to find myself coming out of meditation and realizing I have done much more than 5 minutes, usually somewhere between 12 and 20 minutes.  

Its only been about a week so far, but I have been pretty consistent. I’ve managed to do it everyday, except for one where I chose to go out for dinner and stay out late with friends, but hey, I’m human and I have no regrets for being social and connected.

On the weekends, I like meditating first thing in the morning, and then transitioning into some yoga and stretching or more active movement and its sets a nice tone for the rest of my day.

I would like to keep the same time during the workweek but I wake up so early and so exhausted, I’m 90 percent sure I would end up just falling back to sleep finding that sense of stillness. 

So Monday to Friday, I have been choosing to meditate sometime after dinner.  Its also a time of the day when I find my anxiety can peak, as often thoughts about what I’ve eaten or how much I’ve eaten start to creep in.

Actively choosing to witness and observe those thoughts, it becomes much easier to detach from them, and find a more level-headed and balanced place to deal with the anxiety that they bring up.  

Again, its early days, but I am honestly amazed at how simple and yet powerful this daily practice of 5 minutes a day is for my mindset.  

Have you ever had some kind of meditation practice?  Interested in learning more what mine looks like?  Perhaps I’ll shine a light on some of the prompts and images I use for myself in a later post.  

As for now, wishing you all love and light and a beautiful week ahead,

Jordan xoxox

Self-Growth Challenge Complete (But its not Over)

I wrapped up the Spring Growth Challenge I made for myself a little bit ago. My last instagram post was actually a few weeks ago, but life got busy (and patios opened) and here I am on a rainy Friday afternoon typing up a post awhile in the making.

To recap, this is what I challenged myself to do for thirty days:

1. Do something creative (writing, painting, dancing, etc)

2. Wake up the same time every morning (one hour later on weekends)

3. Write down three things I am grateful for every morning and every night

4. Do one act of kindness 

And, most importantly, 

5. Post on Instagram my daily updates about this challenge.

So. How did it go?

1. Do something creative.I started off recording on my instagram posts the act of creativity I had done each day. Usually it was flowing or dancing, or writing. Once or twice it was water colour painting. I continued doing these creative things (not quite everyday) but I found writing so much in a post daunting, to the point where it was stopping me from posting as frequently. But I was still conscious of doing something that had me using my brain in a way that was not just thinking (or overthinking) something in the routine of my day.

Sometimes it took a little effort. Its easy for me to log on zoom for a pole class and just do whatever movement I am instructed. But when its just me, turning on some music and allowing my body to go with the beat and melody, it takes a few minutes to get into a flow. The first song comes on and awakens some emotional response in me, but like greasing a door that isn’t used often enough, it takes a few stiff, awkward movements before that emotion really translates into anything that looks or feels flowy. But I found if I committed to dancing to at least 2 whole songs, I would inevitably keep going for me, reaching that creative place of flow that actually felt good, where I wanted to keep dancing.

2. Wake up the same time every morning. I started this one out with the best intentions. However as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So while I did start waking up a little earlier every day, my weekends still had me sleeping in a good 1.5 -2 hours later than my usual 8:08 AM wake up on my teaching days. That being said, waking up at 8:08 instead of 8:30 which I was doing before, put me back in a habit of journalling an doing yoga before sitting down at my computer. And that is a routine that I have continued to keep even since ending this challenge.

3. Write down three things I am grateful for every morning and every night.

I would say this was the most powerful act of all that I set out for myself in this challenge- despite it seeming like the most simple. Having kept gratitude journals on and off for a couple years now, it was not hard for me to come up with three things twice a day— most days I actually had many more listed. What I loved so much about this exercise is that it made me so much more mindful and optimistic every hour of the day— not just when it came to write.

I was constantly on the lookout for the little good things that I could include as part of my gratitude list later— from the sun coming out on my morning walk, to not having to wait for the elevator, to nailing a new pole trick. Everyday I noticed the little, simple things that were going my way. At first it was just for the sake of recording it later and put in a post. But after a bit it became habitual. And honestly, I feel like I felt a little bit happier every day because of it.

Started paying attention to little good things, like cold ciders on a warm night

4. Do one act of kindness.

This one felt a bit overwhelming at the beginning of the challenge. For the first few days, I was trying to schedule into my day chores or tasks that were undoubtedly kind, but also took some planning, money, or other resources not readily available. Baking cookies for a nursing home, or taking a neighbour shopping are really kind things, of course, but a little tough to do in a day when it feels like here is a million other things to be done.

So I focused more on spontaneous acts of kindness. Such as holding open a door, or sharing an elevator, offering to take a picture for someone, or giving a compliment. Walking down the street, Ill often see someone dressed beautifully, with a dog thats adorable, or wearing earrings I love. This challenge, I made a point to open my mouth and say this.

Sometimes, people were surprised. In that half a second after blurting out my compliment, before people registered that yes, it was me, a stranger, addressing them, there was a coldness or awkwardness in the air. But in the second that followed, when they realized it was in face a compliment, and genuine kindness, a big smile or moment of warmth always followed. And I swear, both of us left that exchange feeling like we were walking a little bit taller.

Spending time with my senior dog and my senior grandfather

So to wrap things up, it was a good month. It wasn’t perfect. Nor was it groundbreaking. But it was a nice little refresher for myself about what’s important, and how to live everyday in a way to make up a good, balanced, satisfying life. So I’m going forward now, keeping most of these habits, even if I am not recording it or posting it.

Except for going to bed earlier. That’s gonna take a bigger challenge.

What are you tackling next?

xoxo

Jordan

Exercise: Why More is Not Always Better (Lessons Learned from Sesamoiditis)

I am an active person. I love to walk run jump dance play do handstands and spin around poles. Ever since I was enrolled in toddler gymnastic classes, movement was in my blood. Being active throughout my life has blessed me with so much: Flipping around in acro and gymnastics classes gave me a sense of confidence and self-worth that didn’t come easy to me as a kid, and playing rep hockey for four years gifted me teammates that became like family. Running and yoga gave me an escape and a place to channel all the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me at times, and often still do.

In all these ways, movement has been a source a connection, therapy, and identity for me at various times of my life.

However, my relationship with movement and exercise has not been entirely positive.

For me, the biggest challenge I have with exercise is not motivation, or following through, or pushing myself . My problem is knowing when enough is enough, and when to ease off.

There is such thing as too much of a good thing— including exercise. Just because a walk a day is good, does NOT mean that more walks (or runs) a day is better. Just because a couple days of back-to-back training sessions makes me feel good doesn’t mean I never need a day off.

I tend to overdo things rather than under-do them. And this is the lesson I am learning right now, as I am icing my foot and resting it on the chair beside me as I write: sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is less.

Several years ago, when I had developed a highly restrictive mentality towards food, I developed a a similarly obsessive relationship with exercise.

Movement of all kinds became inundated in compulsion, stripped of all possible enjoyment and pleasure, and recalibrated as means of punishment, compensation, and control.

The “success” of any activity I did, from a gym workout to a walk was measured by how many calories it burned, how exhausted it made me, and how long I could endure it without taking rest. Running went from being an outlet to relieve my stress to the biggest source of stress and anxiety in my life. For a time, the only thing that felt worse than running was missing a run. I no longer had a choice.

However, since I had grown up being so active, and among a family of athletes and avid exercisers, the shift in my relationship to movement happened rather stealthily. People in my life were more concerned about my weight, and what I was eating rather than my exercise. However, looking back, I know that it was my mindset towards movement that was even more compulsive and rigid than my eating habits.

This was about 11 years ago, and as far as I have come in my relationship to exercise, I still struggle to find the balance at times.

These days I walk much more than I run, and really only do activities I enjoy like dance, pole, and yoga. And still somehow, I can overdo it.

This week I woke up with a swollen, bruised and throbbing foot— specifically the ball of my big toe. Getting out of bed, I quickly realized I couldn’t bear weight on it.

“What the hell?” At first, I had no idea what was wrong. My foot had felt perfectly fine the day before. So fine, in fact that I had gone for a 7 km walk, and did a barre class, a pole class, and a conditioning class. Not to mention a whole lot of snow shoeing and trekking through snowy cottage roads over the weekend.

Okay, maybe I was overdoing it, just a bit.

Several ice packs, one podiatry appointment, and a few x-rays later, I had a name for my extraordinarily swollen foot: sesamoiditis.

Apparently Sesamoiditis is an injury very commonly had by dancers and runners to the two sesamoid bones that make up the joint of the big toe. And while I am not a runner or a dancer, I do enough activities that put pressure on the balls of my feet that I have landed myself with this less-than-glamorous injury.

The prognosis? With proper rest and treatment, my lil’ sesamoids should make a full recovery.

The treatment? At least three weeks of no weight bearing. Meaning I am in a walking cast and to walk as little as possible and do everything I can to avoid weight on the ball of my big toe.

“And how’s that going?” You might be wondering, for someone whose innate love of movement still flirts with obsession?

Well, considering I have been getting outside for at least an hour walk and a pole class everyday during this lockdown (and often multiple of both) I’ve been doing pretty okay.

Day by day, it is actually rather nice to have that space in my day and my routine, and not trying to fit things in around a class or a walk before it gets dark or the weather turns.

However, its thinking about how this will play out for the coming weeks (and slow rehab back to my normal levels of activity after) that send me into a bit of an anxious tailspin.

In my bouts of anxiety, I turn to google, and find articles like “how to keep your fitness while injured” and “what not exercising does to your body.” And then I feel guilty for for doing essentially nothing but rest.

But this seemingly “bad break” (pun intended) is once again, the universe giving me what I need… even though I do not want to need it.

With little else to demand my attention during this lockdown, I’ve been spending many hours of my day doing - and thinking— exercise.

My walks of twenty minutes during my lunch break crept up to an hour. A couple classes a week became a couple classes a day. And as much as I was enjoying the movement, there was also a feeling of “should” beginning to creep in with the more I did. Slowly, walking anything less than an hour was unacceptable. One class a day became the bare minimum— and an intensive conditioning session beforehand to “warmup” was no longer optional.

The standard for my daily movement had been hiked up, and every day I had to jump a little higher to clear it.

Something had to give— and the universe chose the sesamoid bones in my right foot.

Rather than having a pity-party for myself, I am using this as an opportunity to continue to strengthen my recovery, and redefine my mentality to movement once again.

I am leaning in to my fear of not exercising to prove to my body and my brain that a couple weeks without so much as a few measly steps a day will not break me.

I might lose a little strength, perhaps even put on a couple pounds and get a little softer around the edges, but I have to trust that when I do resume some activity again, my body will return to its happy place.

…

“So why not just eat less?”

That thought crossed my mind too. But after years of restriction, I’ve caught on to what happens when you start fighting your body and hunger cues. it only makes us more fixated and focused on what we are denying ourselves.

And I also know that in order to heal an injury, our bodies require extra energy in order to regenerate and repair tissues. Not fuelling it with the appropriate energy and protein will only cause it to take those nutrients from my muscles, and prolong the recovery process.

So I fight the occasional waves of guilt about not having “earned” my food, and I am continuing to eat as I usually do: including lots of popcorn and pancakes, and all the peanut butter.

And you know what? It’s not even that scary. Not only is this stress fracture an opportunity for me to strengthen my recovery, but it has also allowed me to recognize just how far I have come. Even two years ago, when I severed the tendon of my big toe (on the same foot!), spending the subsequent month in a walking boot caused me much more guilt and anxiety than I am feeling now.

But perhaps that’s just it- I had to go trough a period of time without movement to realize that the anxiety and stress I was feeling is NOT necessary. I will be back on my feet soon enough, and the minimal changes that take place in my body are just that— minimal.

So here’s to “feet-up February.” I will be using the next few weeks to write more, read more, finally finish the pair of leg warmers I started knitting an embarrassingly long time ago, and continue eating all the foodz.

My pole, and all my other favourite forms of movement will be waiting for me whenever my foot is healed and ready—

—and even better, my mindset a little more free and little more flexible.

As the saying goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

After a few weeks away from movement, I am looking forward to the first walk I take outside in the snow and the first spin around the pole I get to do first dance I do with a healed foot and a healthy mind.

I am always learning, testing my limits, and overstepping boundaries. As long as I continue to recognize what is too much and when to back off, I will continue to experiment with what I am capable of, what is sustainable, and where I can challenge myself to lean in to discomfort— including taking time off to regroup and refresh, and rest when I need it.

May this be a gentle reminder to anyone who needs it that our bodies are NOT machines or calculators. It. is. okay. to move a little less or a little more one day or one week or one month.

Every athlete has an off season, a time of little training and lots of rest. Mentally or physically, you might find yourself in need of some time off what ever kind of movement you usually do. Embrace it, enjoy it, and keep the big picture in mind.

Five years from now, the hiatus of time in which you were “out of routine” will NOT matter. You might not even remember it.

So stop wasting time worrying about what you cannot change, and embrace the challenge of leaning in to whatever life throws at you— chances are you will come out of it stronger, more resilient, and more content to face the next hurdle in your path.

Oh, and happy love day, celebrating all kinds of love, and loveliness.

xxoo

Jordan

Everything Happens For A Reason (A Story of Blood and Granola)

I have gone through enough life to start to recognize that nothing happens for no reason. 

Even the most difficult, trying, and painful situations, that may seem impossible to make sense of at the time, always seem to have some unexpected truth borne from the ashes- even if it is years later.

Life is mysterious, unpredictable, and chaotic.  But I still believe that there is significance and silver linings in every seemingly unexpected turn of events.  

My experience of life thus far is relatively short. But I can still recall several occasions where life threw something at me that felt like a blow, but ended up being a gift that I didn’t know I needed.  

The walking boot I had to wear for most of Spring 2019

One such gift was a severed extensor tendon in my big toe. 

It was May 2019.  A couple years since in the worst of my eating disorder, and well into recovery… Mostly. I was eating regularly, flexibly, going out with friends, not over-exercising. 

However, my brain was still “hooked” on several compulsions and behaviours, and I was still operating under a huge fear of further weight gain.  I managed this fear through movement. 

While I was no longer working out for hours at the gym or running for kilometres on end, I was making every effort to maximize my activity everyday.  I was walking everywhere, taking the long way whenever possible, and even running a couple kilometres if the distance was longer than fit my time frame. I was doing yoga every morning, and often some other form of conditioning or strength training exercise in the evening if I wasn’t out walking.

It was never excessive in time or intensity, but the discomfort of being too sedentary in a day remained a lingering attachment of the days when it was.

The injury resulting from a jar of granola

I was frustrated.  In so many ways I felt “recovered”- except this need to walk and move.  And I was still not getting a monthly cycle, so my hormones were not up and running properly yet.

However, spring and the sunny weather was just ramping up, and the urge to join the legions of walkers and runners taking over the sidewalks was only mounting.

Then came a freak accident involving a jar of granola. After a late night of dancing and drinking at a wedding, I was at home, starving for breakfast. Wanting something fast and easy, I decided to throw together a big bowl of fruit and granola.

Somehow as I was grabbing the jar of granola off the shelf it slipped out of my hand and went crashing onto the floor (yes, I was hungover). 

Somehow, a piece of glass had broken in one very long shard, that landed diagonally across my foot as it shattered on the tile.  My foot was swimming in blood, glass, and granola.  

I’ll skip ahead a bit. 

At the hospital, I received 14 stitches to repair the severed tendon, a plaster cast, a set of crutches with the orders I could not bear weight on it for several weeks.  I was told that if I applied too much pressure that the stitches could break and the tendon would sever again.  

Suddenly, I was faced with one of the greatest challenges I had yet in recovery: I was being forced to be sedentary. My fear of not walking enough had become a reality of being unable to walk at all.  

Who knew granola could be so dangerous?

At the time, I couldn’t understand why the hell this was happening.  I blamed the freak nature of the accident, cursed my clumsiness, and moped in misery and frustration. 

However, I was told repeatedly by doctors to continue to nourish myself well, and how I still needed ample protein and energy in order for the tendon to strengthen and repair. 

So I had no choice, but to eat as I would normally, even though I was doing no movement that helped my brain justify the calories. 

And it was hard, the first week. 

But then it got easier.  I realized I could eat, and rest, and nothing drastic happened. 

After a few weeks I started to enjoy being able to sit around and chat with my roommates instead of walking across the city after work. 

It was freeing to read a book out on the porch, and still have a snack before dinner. 

And for the first month since the New Year, I got my period. My body was functioning even healthier than it was while exercising.

Yeah, the recovery process of healing that tendon sucked.  But now, along with the scar on my toe, I have been left with a greater sense of freedom regarding my relationship to movement, to my body, and ultimately, my intuition.

I still enjoy being active, but if there is a day that it doesn’t quite fit my schedule, or my frame of mind, I can go without.

While stillness is not always my first choice, it does not instill me with the same fear or dread. I know I can allow myself to rest, and more than that, periods of rest are healthy.    

In all honesty, If I hadn’t been forced into those months of stillness, I probably would have never been able to sit long enough to start this blog. 

It’s hard to dedicate time to hours of writing and posting when you’re compulsively walking everywhere.  

I still have the scar.

I’ve heard there are creams and oils to put on it, to make it disappear. I have yet to use any, because I really don’t mind it.  It remains a nice little token of the lesson I had to learn through a mason jar of granola.  

This is just one story of how life gifts you with something you need, even if you don’t know you want it. And the more of life I am living, the more I am realizing how often even the most uncomfortable or seemingly unfortunate of events ends up gifting us with some golden lesson or opportunity down the road.

Maybe what that is becomes apparent in the next month, or week, or year. Or maybe not until after you have lived your life time.

But it is comforting to think that in this big wide universe of ours, there may be some reason or meaning behind the chaos. I am not claiming to know anything.

But I will continue to embrace the idea that whatever life throws at me, I can handle it— and I will be stronger for it.

What lessons has life thrown at you?

xoxo

-Jordan

Soul on Fire: Pursue Your Passion and Find Joy

“Pursue what sets your soul on fire.”

This is a quote I came across years ago, back when I was probably 16 or 17 years old.  It spoke to me then and I continue to let it guide me now. 

I am a creature of habit in many ways. I am also a homebody, and often, a ball of anxiety.  In turn, I tend to get stuck in comfort zones quite often. Places that feel safe and contained, but limiting, in all aspects of my life from my work to my writing to relationships and to recovery. 

However, how I continue to pull myself out of these comfort zones and onto bigger, bolder things, is often coming back to this quote, comparing what I am doing, and how I am living in this minute, to the bigger picture of the life I want to live, being the person I want to be, and doing the things that fill me with purpose, passion, and fire.  

When I find myself getting too obsessive with anything, to the point that it takes me out of the moment and starts to impede my ability to enjoy other parts of life, such as spending time with my family or friends, I have to pull myself back and ask myself how what I’m doing aligns to this greater vision.  For instance, all the rules and rituals I had around food in my eating disorder made me feel safe and in control, but ultimately alienated me from the people in my life, and frankly made me act like a miserable b**** instead of the happy and carefree person I truly wanted to be.  

Another example is horses.  I have taken up riding again this summer, at an awesome stable unlike any other I have came across in Ontario. And it just so happens to be twenty minutes away from where I am currently living (the universe working its magic once again).

During my days of extreme exercise obsession, I essentially stopped riding, even though I had spent my entire life up to that point wanting nothing more than to spend every minute in the saddle.  I felt that riding was not good enough exercise to be a regular activity of mine, when that time could be more effectively spent running or biking or doing some other workout that would result in a greater calorie burn.  I reflect on that now and want to shake that version of myself for being so, so wrong.  

I’ve gone riding almost every day this month. Quite often, after being out there in a hard saddle in the blistering heat, on a horse making me work for it, I come home and the last thing I want to do is another form of exercise.  Niggles of my old way of thinking come through my mind sometimes, suggesting that I should do another workout to escape the pang of guilt for choosing this milder form of activity. However, I go back to that quote, and strive to make choices that are guided by what sets my soul on fire. And when I commit to that internal guidance, the guilt and shame and destructive way of thinking ebbs and falls away.

When I am an old woman, with a bad back, and brittle bones, I won’t look back on this summer and wish that I had ran more miles or lifted more weights.  What I would regret would be forcing myself to do things that brought me little joy or lasting happiness, instead of being on a horse every chance I could.

No workout can give me the same thrill as galloping through forests, laughing with new friends, and returning home sweaty and smelling of horses and fly spray.  

This summer, I have this golden opportunity where I have the means and time to be with horses, to improve my riding, and simply indulge the horse crazy little girl in me. When I am back living in the city, working in a classroom 9-5 come september, my summer of horses will be over.   Sure, I am choosing saddle time over improving my kilometers per hour or personal best, but I am feeding my soul and honouring my passion. 

20 years from now, I would rather be riding horses than running marathons.  Someone else might have the opposite ambition.  

Moral of the story is pursue what makes you happy. Do today what your future self will thank you for.  

Kick your own butt out of ruts and comfort zones. 

Indulge your soul in what calls to you- whether its horses, or painting or mountain biking or sourdough baking.  

What sets your soul on fire? How are you feeding the flames?

Til next time,
Jordan 

Xoxo 

A Healthy Relationship with Exercise? (It’s More than How You Move- It’s How You Feel)

Too much of anything may not be good for you. Even yoga.

Exercise is healthy. It’s hard to argue otherwise.

The measurable and well-studied benefits of regular exercise are many: strengthening our bones, improving our cardiovascular systems, increasing our muscular strength and endurance, reducing risks of cancer, stroke, and other diseases, boosting our immune systems, and alleviating mental stress and anxiety.

If exercise is so darn good for you, the more the better, right?

Not quite. Just like many things in life, there comes a point when too much takes a negative toll on a person, on the body as well as the mind.

That is why exercise is so much more than the types and amount of movement that you do.

A healthy relationship to exercise is largely determined by your mindset towards it, and in turn, your relationship to your physical body, and ultimately, to yourself.

When Exercise Becomes an Addiction

I am somebody who for a longtime did NOT have a healthy relationship with exercise. I was fit, and athletic, and often praised for my discipline and the physique it got me.

However, I did not exercise from a place of joy or pure desire to move— I exercised to appease the voices in my head, to punish myself, to compensate or negate calories, to meet a time or distance or other number goal, or even to just match the movement I had done the previous day. Exercise was compulsive, obsessive, or excessive, and sometimes all of these at once.

Movement should be enjoyable and intuitive. And coming at it from a place of self-loathing and shame made that relationship impossible.

For the many years I was anorexic, exercise was my purge. I didn’t throw up, but I ran until I felt like I would. I had just as many rules around burning calories as I had around consuming them. A day off the gym or a workout cut ten minutes early erupted in unrelenting anxiety and guilt that would only ebb after overcompensating with my exercise the next day. Fasted cardio was my drug of choice. It was an adrenaline high, that I for so long mistook for enjoyment. Now I realize it was simply my cortisol sky-rocketing, since I had no other energy form to power me through those workouts.

After years of unhealthy, obsessive exercise, and a break from exercise altogether, I can now truly say that never again do I want to wake up feeling chained to any “should” or “must” or “have-to” or other arbitrary rule. 

I am in no way against exercise. And for most people, of course exercise is important for health. I genuinely love being active— not chained-to-an-eliptical-active- but active as in moving my body in ways that feel intuitive and respectful of its strengths and its limits.

These past few months, yoga, and other forms of movement have become very much part of my morning routine.  I was loving it, starting the day a little bit sweaty and a little more fluid, and I was thriving.  Wake up, make a cup of tea, write in my journal, meditate, and then ease into a sweet and slow flow to my very eclectic yoga playlist.  Then I would lie on my mat or the grass or wherever I was in shavasana-bliss for however long before ambling into the kitchen for breakfast.  It was great.  Until it wasn’t.

Resetting my Relationship with Exercise

It was a few weeks ago I suppose that I started to notice an odd, uncomfortably familiar feeling of anxiety upon waking up.  I would lie in bed, feeling slightly paralyzed by a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.  It was hard to get up. I would feel guilty staying in bed, lazing this early part of the day away, but I also didn’t want to do the thing that my brain was now telling me that I had no choice but to do— yoga.  

You may snort at this. Y-o-g-a.  The most gentle, healing, restorative, spiritual, safe form of movement there supposedly is.  And yet here I was, feeling the same compulsive anxiety towards yoga that I used to feel before fasted HIIT cardio.  Just leave it to anyone with a history of anorexia to turn yoga into an exercise obsession. I have nothing against yoga or hiit cardio for that matter. But I do take issue with doing any form of movement from a place of fear or inadequacy. 

I don’t think it is ever a good thing to drag yourself to do any form of exercise for the sake of avoiding the anxiety or negative feelings that will come from not doing it. And I know this is very counter- intuitive for a lot of people. 

In fitness and athletic culture, the mantra is often that there is “no such thing as doing too much.” Fitspo accounts are filled with posts and messages like “Go Big or Go Home”, “the only bad workout is the one you didn’t do”, and “push until it breaks you.”  The prevalence and pervasiveness of these messages has effectively normalized their extremeness. 

We start to believe that in order for exercise to “count”, we need to be begging for mercy by the end of it. And realistically, what human being would wake up every day genuinely looking forward to that? And yet, many of us continue to commit to gruelling fitness regimes and daily workouts when we have no desire to do so other than to get it done.

Even you reading this right now might be wondering why anyone would bother exercising if they only did it when they “felt like it.” I thought the same way. After years of pushing myself, never ending a run until a certain number of kilometers or ending a workout until I had burned a certain number of calories, exercising through injury, in extreme heat, in pouring rain, rescheduling and cancelling on friends and events to not miss a workout, I thought there was no other way to think. 

None of it felt good.  Exercise never felt good.  But not doing it, missing that workout, felt unbearable. 

Finding Balance

Its taken me a long time to get where I am now with my relationship to exercise. 

Jaeda is very intuitive with her rest days.

It took giving up running when I started recovery, and only beginning to test out running again now, three years later. 

It took cancelling gym memberships, and attending yoga classes, and going for walks with other people so that I wasn’t tempted to run while on them. 

It took deleting step-count apps and calorie counters, and walking away from conversations that made me feel triggered about my “break” from exercise and loss of identity as a runner. 

It’s taken a lot of trial and error since then as well. 

On many occasions, I’ve convinced myself I’ve had long enough a break, and I was ready to start adding in more exercise.  I’d try going for a couple runs, do a workout at a hotel gym, get a yoga membership, only to be sucked back in and feeling chained to whatever form of movement I was experimenting with.

Slowly, the compulsiveness has lessened. I can do occasional yoga and other movement classes now without feeling like I need to sign my life away with a membership. I can go for a long walk and spontaneously have it turn into a run without (usually) feeling like I need to run it the next day.

This year, I found my way to pole, a passion that had allowed me to develop a new relationship towards movement and my body, working towards goals that have nothing to do with numbers or aesthetics, but requiring strength and flexibility. 

I haven’t been able to do it since the studios across the province closed back in March, and I’ve been missing it like crazy.

However, being forced to take this time off has allowed me to see all the ways in which my mindset has shifted, as well as some of the places where I still have some thoughts to rewire.

Especially this past month, and the stuckness I was feeling with the whole morning yoga habit.

I’ve made great strides, and I am proud of how far I have come. But I am aware that I still have a tendency (and likely always will to some degree) to fall into patterns of obsession and compulsion when it comes to exercise.

However, what I have learned in these years of recovery is the ability to recognize and identify these patterns before they take over. 

I love yoga.  I want to be able to get out of bed every morning, jump onto my mat, and do a vigorous vinyasa practice if that’s what I feel like. 

I want to be able to go for a long sweaty run in the evening to my favourite playlist.

I want to join my friends in trying out a new bootcamp class or do a tough mudder or group triathlon. 

But I also want to be able to wake up, roll out of bed, and do whatever I feel like that is NOT exercise.  Or have my morning movement be a walk to the park barefoot with my dog instead of pounding the pavement with my runners.

I want to have the choice.  I want the freedom to move.  I want exercise to be a want and NEVER a should. 

Forest walks are a great way of getting out of your head and into your body— intuitive movement at its finest.

And that is why I took this week off movement— to prove to myself that I can not exercise for a week and that nothing bad happens.  I’m three days in, and to be honest, I woke up this morning and I wanted to flow.  I had that feeling of desire to move, and NOT compulsion. But, I made myself tea, and sat myself down outside to write anyways. 

Next week, I can do all the yoga I want (or not!).  But this week, I am committed to the goal of rewiring my brain about exercise and movement of all kinds, even yoga. 

As the saying goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

How will I feel when this week is over?  Hopefully better than I did going in.  l will write more about my week off and what happened in my next post.

In the meantime, I’ll just be here, sipping my tea, doing my best to throw myself into every other passion and project of mine that is not movement.  How’s your relationship with exercise? 

Sometimes It’s a good idea to not just ask what you are doing, but how you feel about it…  

Stay golden. And remember- there are so many more pivotal and pressing things happening in our world right now than the exercise you did or did not do.  

-Jordan xoxo

The Quarantine Fifteen Part II: MythBusting

**This post is about diet culture. If you are a person with a very healthy relationship with exercise, and don’t think too much about what you eat, this post may not interest you. Good on you- keep doing you and check back for my next post.

If you ARE interested in learning to navigate the messages about health and fitness bouncing around the web like a beach ball at a Nickelback concert, keep reading.**

---

With gyms closed, and many people working at home in close proximity to refrigerators, gaining weight during this social quarantine is becoming a prevalent concern.  As I discussed in my last post, this idea of the “quarantine-fifteen” is perpetuating some fitness and weight loss propaganda from which companies in the health and fitness industry are profiting. 

I am NOT writing this post because I have some sort of personal vendetta against any of these companies or individuals. I love being active, and feeling healthy and strong in my body.  But coming from a decade long struggle with anorexia, I know how harmful some of these messages can be when taken a bit too seriously. Especially when many of these weight loss “hacks” really work the opposite way they were intended.  

During my recovery, I devoured (pun not intended) countless studies, articles, podcasts, and other research regarding bodyweight, metabolism and exercise, desperate to understand what exactly I had to do to be healthy- mentally and physically.  There’s a lot of conflicting information out there. However, a constant throughout was that extreme diets or “lifestyles” do not work long-term.

For every study that there is saying why one food is the the key to eternal youth (ie. coconut oil), there is another claiming it to be the devil (ie. coconut oil). I am no expert. I can’t tell you the best way to eat or exercise or “be healthy.” This is because there is not one best way. There is only the best way for you.

For the past couple years, I have committed myself to eating unrestricted, relearning what it means to eat intuitively, and rebuilding a new relationship with exercise. I still have some rewiring left to do, but my mindset towards food and exercise is much healthier and infinitely less consuming than it has been. 

We live in a diet culture.  Its only when I actively forced myself to step outside of it that I could truly see some of the bulls*** that is being conveyed as “healthy living.” 

So let’s get down to it and dispel some myths about weight gain and the “quarantine fifteen.”

Myth-Busting: Weight-Loss Edition

1. Dieting will make you lose weight

   In the short term, yes. Eating in a caloric deficit will make you lose weight. A lot of it water and muscle, but the scale will go down.  HOWEVER, within a few months, or even weeks, depending on how much you restrict your intake, evolutionary biology will kick in. Your body will feel the threat of famine, and will fight every way it can to make up the energy it is not getting.  This may mean slowing down metabolism, increasing hunger hormones, and signaling your brain to obsess over food in a way you never did before you started dieting. You will likely find yourself more prone to cravings, overeating, and even bingeing. Whether its restricting certain food groups, eating “cleaner”, or simply cutting calories, making certain foods (or amounts of foods) “off-limits” will only make them even more tempting and irresistible.

2. Intermittent fasting is the best way to diet without being on a diet.

   If you are a person that tends to be less hungry waking up in the morning, there’s nothing wrong in waiting a few hours upon waking before breaking the fast.  However, if you are overriding your body’s innate hunger cues in favour of the time on a clock, and not eating until your stomach is eating itself (or you have been hungry for so long, the hunger is passed) you are not doing yourself any favours.  As mentioned above, overriding your body’s innate hunger may cause your brain to adopt a “feast or famine” mentality, making you over-fixate on food. This makes it much harder to tune into your body’s intuitive cues, and to stop before all the cookies are gone.

   Intermittent fasting can also wreak havoc on your hormones, especially if you are female. Chronic low blood sugar in the morning can cause a spike in cortisol, a stress hormone that can inhibit the production of estrogen and other important reproductive hormones.  In my eating disorder I was “intermittent fasting” before it was even a thing, and I did not have a monthly cycle for over eight years (If that’s TMI, sorry, but not sorry. … I’ll talk more about my experience with Hypothalamic Amenhorrea in another post).

3. High intensity workouts are the key to weight loss. 

   Some studies have shown a minimal increase in metabolic rate following sessions of intensive exercise or HIIT workouts.  However, the lingering caloric burn for several hours afterwards is minimal. A 45 minute cardio burn session is not a free pass to all the donuts you can eat for the rest of the day. Especially when that exercise intensity could be wreaking havoc with your hormones and hunger cues. High-intensity workouts or excessive cardio can cause a huge spike in cortisol just the way intermittent fasting can, as well as raise levels of the hormones that regulate your hunger and appetite. This makes many people ravenous throughout the day, and prone to eating more than feels good.
   

   Before you come at me, I am NOT saying that it’s never a good idea to work hard in your workouts. Some people can incorporate some HIIT training in their week quite healthily. But if you are feeling a little run down or over-hungry or have any symptoms of hormonal imbalance, you may want to think about the type of exercise you are doing.
   
   

4. Not exercising = gaining weight. 

   This all depends on your set point weight, and if you are using exercise as a way to hold your body at a weight below where it is optimally healthy. If you are at a weight where your body is optimally healthy and happy, and you aren’t following any kind of rules or lifestyle to maintain, working out less for a month or two really won’t make any noticeable changes to your body. However, If you are holding your body below its natural set point or happy place, through diet or exercise, and you decrease the amount of activity that you are doing, regardless of what you are eating, your weight may start to creep upwards. This is your body gravitating to its set point, the weight that only your body gets to decide is its optimal healthy place.

   The beautiful thing about being at your set point is that even a few weeks or months without exercise, and eating a normal, unrestricted diet, is that you will NOT gain weight. Your body will keep you within a ~few pounds of that comfortable weight, and will raise or lower metabolism accordingly to adjust to your energy intake and output.

** I didn’t go into much detail about these things, because I’m sure many of you already have a pretty healthy and balanced mindset when it comes to these things.  But if you are interested in a little more of the science and expertise backing these concepts, I’ll leave some links at the bottom of this post. **

It’s Not About Changing your Body. It’s Changing your Mindset.

Essentially, adopting a “diet mentality” and over-fixating on food or exercise is NOT how to escape the “quarantine-fifteen.”

And again, even if you do lose some muscle or put on a few pounds, who really cares? Your body is just trying to cope with the new stresses and threats in our external environment, (ie. global pandemic).  It is healthy and normal to go through periods of rest and recovery. From animals preparing for winter, to athletes detraining or moving into off season, it's okay to not be in peak athletic form year round, and for bodies to change. 

This guy’s got the right idea.

Nourish yourself with lots of sleep, good food, and self-compassion.  Remember that health encompasses more than your physical body. Take care of your mind, your spirit and your soul (Pro-tip: Chocolate keeps the dementors away). 

Let me know in the comments if you want more posts about these kinds of things. I will probably post more about my experience in the future. If there’s anything in particular you want to know more about, fire away. I could probably write a book or two (or a hundred) about anything food, fitness, or recovery related…

In the meantime, stay tuned for some more procrasti-baking recipes and isolation inspiration coming down the pipe shortly! 

(social distance) Hugs, 

Jordan

More on Set Point Theory and Diets

https://www.healthline.com/health/set-point-theory#body-weight-set-point

https://www.floliving.com/intermittent-fasting/

https://tabithafarrar.com/2020/04/you-were-never-supposed-to-be-micro-managing-your-food-intake/

https://fitonapp.com/fitness/the-truth-behind-why-your-hiit-workouts-may-not-be-working/

https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/05/finding-healthy-set-point/

The “Quarantine Fifteen”— Gaining Weight during Isolation

If you have been on any form of social media these past couple weeks, you may have come across one of the countless posts, memes, or tweets about gaining the covid-nineteen, or the quarantine-fifteen. Essentially, these puns stem from the idea that staying home is making us fat.

Some of these posts are pure humour, outrageous memes of people “before” quarantine and “after.” Maybe they are a little crude, but harmless, and provide a good chuckle.

Other posts take this quarantine fifteen a bit more seriously.  Many influencers, fitness studios, and other health or wellness companies are perpetuating this fear of the “quarantine fifteen” to get us to subscribe to things like at-home sculpt workouts, HIIT classes, or virtual spin subscriptions.  My feed is filled with posts and videos entitled “What I eat in Isolation to not gain weight” or “Quarantine Exercise Regime.”

These individuals provide us with “health hacks”, from morning green smoothies, to water fasts, to DIY basement gyms, oh so benevolently saving us from our gluttonous, lazy selves, who would undoubtedly be lying on the couch on our third bag of chips had we not been gifted with the details of their regime.   

a screenshot of a few of the hundreds of videos on youtube about staying “healthy” while in isolation

Don’t get me wrong.  Eating healthy is important, and working out is great for your mind and body.   I’ve been doing tons of yoga and pilates and other classes with some of my favourite instructors during this isolation period, and the sense of community and connection I get from these sessions is invaluable.  

HOWEVER, the problem I have with this new rise of at-home fitness and clean eating regimes is how it is often being marketed as the antidote to not gaining weight-- and implying the loss of fitness while we are at home to be shameful.  

A couple things.  First, we are in the midst of a global pandemic.  I won’t get too morbid here, as the media is already doing a fabulous job of keeping us up with the rising death tolls across the world each day, but in a nutshell, the disease is spreading. People are sick, and people are dying.  People are dying alone, and families are grieving loved ones without being able to come together to support each other. Hospitals are running out of supplies, and there are not enough ventilators to support all the cases that come to hospital that could recover otherwise.  We are all at risk. Even going to the grocery store endangers ourselves and our families. 

Many of us are also facing other challenges, such as losing income, being unable to pay rent and other bills, or being catapulted into new roles of homeschool teacher  and/or caregiver. Not to mention, the tremendous toll on our own mental and emotional wellbeing during this scary time. 

Second, pandemic aside, is gaining weight or losing fitness really that terrible? Putting on a few extra pounds or not making any new PRs over the next few months should not be a moral sin.

The people who love you, who want you to be safe and healthy during this pandemic do not care if you can fit into your tightest pair of jeans right now. Let’s be honest, who’s actually wearing real pants these days? Your dog doesn’t care about your quad development. Your zoom chats or face-times with your friends will not be any more fun or meaningful if you ran 10 kilometres beforehand, or you are following a keto diet religiously.

Yes, staying healthy is important. Sleep is important. Eating a good and balanced diet is important. Moving your body in a way that feels good, that serves you mentally and physically, is important. None of that has to do with weight.

During this time, you need to do whatever is healthy, mentally and physically, for you.  

Just because Karen manages her mental health by running 25 kilometers every morning, refueling with a smoothie bowl, and doing back to back Zoom HIIT classes everyday, does not mean you can’t eat the cookies your sister baked.   

Meet yourself where you are at.  Get some fresh air, (while being safe and social distancing), move your body in a way that feels good, for however long or short you have.  Watch your favourite Netflix shows (Schitt’s Creek is my latest obsession), read that book (Harry Potter- any one) that’s been sitting on your nightstand for a year and a half, start that craft or hobby that you’ve been threatening to do when things “calm down”, or bake some bread (or cinnamon buns!), because God knows you have the time to wait for yeast to rise right now,

Doing a lot of knitting these days and not mad about it.

The worst thing that might happen is you put on a couple pounds.  Its not like you are training for the olympics. And even if you are, you’ve got at least a whole year to get back in competing form for when the olympics have been rescheduled in 2021.

Health is not the same as fitness. Health is not gaining or losing weight. As long as you are nourishing your mind, your body, and your emotional well-being during this isolation, the “quarantine-fifteen'“ got nothing on you.

Stay healthy, friends,

xoxo

-Jordan