Soul on Fire: Pursue Your Passion and Find Joy

“Pursue what sets your soul on fire.”

This is a quote I came across years ago, back when I was probably 16 or 17 years old.  It spoke to me then and I continue to let it guide me now. 

I am a creature of habit in many ways. I am also a homebody, and often, a ball of anxiety.  In turn, I tend to get stuck in comfort zones quite often. Places that feel safe and contained, but limiting, in all aspects of my life from my work to my writing to relationships and to recovery. 

However, how I continue to pull myself out of these comfort zones and onto bigger, bolder things, is often coming back to this quote, comparing what I am doing, and how I am living in this minute, to the bigger picture of the life I want to live, being the person I want to be, and doing the things that fill me with purpose, passion, and fire.  

When I find myself getting too obsessive with anything, to the point that it takes me out of the moment and starts to impede my ability to enjoy other parts of life, such as spending time with my family or friends, I have to pull myself back and ask myself how what I’m doing aligns to this greater vision.  For instance, all the rules and rituals I had around food in my eating disorder made me feel safe and in control, but ultimately alienated me from the people in my life, and frankly made me act like a miserable b**** instead of the happy and carefree person I truly wanted to be.  

Another example is horses.  I have taken up riding again this summer, at an awesome stable unlike any other I have came across in Ontario. And it just so happens to be twenty minutes away from where I am currently living (the universe working its magic once again).

During my days of extreme exercise obsession, I essentially stopped riding, even though I had spent my entire life up to that point wanting nothing more than to spend every minute in the saddle.  I felt that riding was not good enough exercise to be a regular activity of mine, when that time could be more effectively spent running or biking or doing some other workout that would result in a greater calorie burn.  I reflect on that now and want to shake that version of myself for being so, so wrong.  

I’ve gone riding almost every day this month. Quite often, after being out there in a hard saddle in the blistering heat, on a horse making me work for it, I come home and the last thing I want to do is another form of exercise.  Niggles of my old way of thinking come through my mind sometimes, suggesting that I should do another workout to escape the pang of guilt for choosing this milder form of activity. However, I go back to that quote, and strive to make choices that are guided by what sets my soul on fire. And when I commit to that internal guidance, the guilt and shame and destructive way of thinking ebbs and falls away.

When I am an old woman, with a bad back, and brittle bones, I won’t look back on this summer and wish that I had ran more miles or lifted more weights.  What I would regret would be forcing myself to do things that brought me little joy or lasting happiness, instead of being on a horse every chance I could.

No workout can give me the same thrill as galloping through forests, laughing with new friends, and returning home sweaty and smelling of horses and fly spray.  

This summer, I have this golden opportunity where I have the means and time to be with horses, to improve my riding, and simply indulge the horse crazy little girl in me. When I am back living in the city, working in a classroom 9-5 come september, my summer of horses will be over.   Sure, I am choosing saddle time over improving my kilometers per hour or personal best, but I am feeding my soul and honouring my passion. 

20 years from now, I would rather be riding horses than running marathons.  Someone else might have the opposite ambition.  

Moral of the story is pursue what makes you happy. Do today what your future self will thank you for.  

Kick your own butt out of ruts and comfort zones. 

Indulge your soul in what calls to you- whether its horses, or painting or mountain biking or sourdough baking.  

What sets your soul on fire? How are you feeding the flames?

Til next time,
Jordan 

Xoxo